Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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