y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
