Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
