i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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