Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
