i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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