Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
