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If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
