So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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