when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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