Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
