I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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