i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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