nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
