this beer tastes like vomit already
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
