I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
