Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
