Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
