We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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