arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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