Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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