Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
