I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
