mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
