dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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