I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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