i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
