dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
