Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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