A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
