Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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