Ambien. No doubt about it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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