you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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