she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I want a musical about memes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
