Who wears a wallet chain?!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
