WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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