You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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