apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
