i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
