And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
