hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
