And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
