Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
