That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
