I wish i was in the wii world.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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