Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
