I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
