I think I am morally bankrupt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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