Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
