so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
